I Feel

I feel tired.

Is it real or in my mind?

Focus is a chore,

sleep is desired more and more.

Mind on self is a mind unhappy.

What am I doing here?

Does it even matter?

Money for bills - that's why - they are good to get paid.

Job impact is low; my mind feels afraid.

What is the fear deep in my heart?

Is it of failure here, or past roles that fell apart?

When did  I become so self-absorbed?

Where did the days go where there wasn't a care in the world?

Grad school was the last? No, Delaware was also quite fun. 

Did it ever occur here under the Midwestern sun?

There were others before that:

Moments in college were very relaxed;

Sr year was fun, 16 was not.

High School was easy overall but friends there were, as it turned out, not really friends at all.

Childhood was charmed 

Was that the true flaw?

No time to learn how stress can be compressed or reversed or needs for coping at all.