Saturday, March 10, 2012

Working Saturday

I had every intention to go to a Mommy's group play-date this Saturday at one of those fancy pants kids' gyms.  It was only going to be $6 and I wanted the opportunity for little L to socialize now that she is up and walking.   By Thursday afternoon, there was a potential for having to go into work on Saturday to monitor a trial and by Friday at 1pm it was inevitable.  Friday night, even after learning F had to work, I was still certain that I could fit in the play-date if I woke up by 7am, went in for the trial, then picked up L at Frank's work daycare*.

With an introduction like that, it is likely no surprise that we did not make the play-date.

The nice thing is, I can honestly say, I don't feel bad about it. I did get up early as planned, but choose to spend two hours with L in the morning, made pancakes for the family, and spent another hour on my own after L and F took off.   In that hour I didn't even get around to showering - I just relaxed with the doggies then got started on work from home (VPN is both a blessing and a curse).  It was a lovely morning and  I feel no guilt at having gone into work later than planned this Saturday.  I felt bad for a while about L not getting to play with other kids her age, until I realized how hard I was being on myself.   She was happily at play in a fun filled safe place while F worked.  I may have missed out on meeting new mom friends, and I do have a limited number of Mom friends here, but I have lots of them from other periods/places of life whom I keep in touch with.  Not to mention a huge extended family, so even missing out on the new potential friends isn't really disappointing in the grand scheme of things.      

I have gotten much better lately at going with the flow.  

Or have I?

I wrapped up work around noon which was about the same time as F called to ask if I would head home for lunch.  L was taking a nap and the state HS hockey tournament was on, so we decided on left overs in front of the TV.   L got up soon thereafter and had her lunch at the counter, but you could tell she was still sort of tired.   So were we.   After a brief attempt at family nap time (Never works, kid thrashes around too much), I told F I'd take her for a while so he could get some rest.  1.5hrs later and with a splitting headache, it was time to swap.

When I first laid down, I knew I was tired and still my head flooded with all sorts of oddities, concerns, plans and random thoughts.  Most of them were work related, hows experiment X doing, what willl person Y think of my having been in on a Saturday again, why does Y feel a need to track what I'm doing in the first place.  It's so annoying, I hate feeling monitored.  Doesn't Y trust me to know how to manage my own time?  oh right, sure it's for my benefit. I wonder if anyone else will be coming over next weekend.  Two said yes, but I hope it is more.  hmmm what kind of st patty's stuff would 1 and 2yr olds enjoy.    I  hate that I wigged my mom out. She gets so weird sometimes about when she hears things like it's a personal affront if I know someone in the family is planning a party before she knows about it.  Geez I hope she is ok, bla bla bla  The worry record in my head is really quite sporadic and incessant.  So I toss and turn, finally fall asleep, and then (seconds later?)  F comes in to tell me he doesn't want to go to church at 5 afterall and we'll wait until the morning. I grumpily ask, "Do I need to get up?"
"No," he says, "We can go tomorrow."
"So why did you wake me up to tell me I don't have to wake up?"
"Oh, sorry, I wanted to make sure you wouldn't be mad. Go back to sleep." he replies
Ugh, the record starts to play again - ah wait - L, let me think about my snuggly cuddly little L. Ah that is better.  Sweet slumber at last. 

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful.  I thankfully awoke headache free and we had pasta for dinner, YUM!   Smartest thing I ever did was to teach F to make my mom's spaghetti sauce and meatballs.   L and I went grocery shopping which I think F was thankful for the time alone to relax.  It's good to have that give and take were we both get personal time.  Now he's watching more hockey while I blog.  So, in summary, I think I go with the flow much better these days.  Now if only my head would think that way too.

[As I was posting this, I realized I completely forgot about the sauce I was making.  And, yeah, we've got some extra crispy in the house... guess I'll be playing the cook tomorrow night instead.]

*God Bless the YMCA and their "Kids Stuff" program that allows L to be there during F's 2hr shifts for free. Without it, his working would not be worth the time, hassle or money we'd spend on babysitters*

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Being Mom

I never thought I'd enjoy being  mom as much as I do.  I wasn't one of those, oh maybe we'll have kids type.  "When?" was the question we had for a number of years.  However, I always knew I wanted to become a mother. Old classmates and co-workers alike know I love to cook and that baking actually relaxes me.  I emulated my own mom long before I had kids of my own with little cousins, nieces, and nephews.  Being mom-like to stay behind with a semi-passed out girl even paid off one time when it simultaneously got me out of going to "the club where strippers go to die" - sounds charming, right?  Mind you, I didn't know a strip club trip was in the works, and boy would I have been mad...but I digress.

Now the part of being mom I did not anticipate, was the shear joy my daughter brings to me.   That when I can not sleep at night, I need only think of her.  Critical work projects, a messy house, travel plans that are not yet made but really need to be, nope,  NOTHING can keep me up when I get that gorgeous smile to the front of my mind.    True, sometimes those things will wake me up, but dozing off again is easy too when I think of my daughter, "L".    

[Sleep is very important to me. I become a bit of a nightmare to others without it.]

Today was lovely.  My dear husband, "F", let me sleep in and my sweet daughter gave me her wide eyed grin when I finally got up.  I spent the first part of the day baking a blueberry buckle coffee cake and the next part feasting on it with some JJ's in hand.  While F got to work installing some safety gear on the chemical containing cupboards, L and I played in her room.   Play time was also my clean-up time and  I'm proud to say she now has an organized closet, dresser, and yes you can see the floor again.  

[Ah. if only our room looked half as nice!]

As F headed off to work, L (being the perfect daughter she is) gave me a break by taking a now rare afternoon nap.  After trying to get "work work" done for a bit I found myself yet again on FB and eventually wound up on my friend's blog entropy still works.  Rachael is a working mama turned SHAM then back to industry again.  She's also, I kid you not, my mommy mentor. Even though we're the same age, she's been there done that and had the mental mania way before me, because her kids Noah and Eva rank mine by 3yrs and 1mo respectively.  Something today clicked and wham here I am - also a blogger. I guess it is worth noting that  my comfort level is less than Rachael's, so for now it is me, F and L. Let's see if full names and  pictures of us all migrate here eventually.  Until such time, I will chronicle my cooking/baking in photo form starting with that buckle cake.  Why buckle?  Who knows?  That is what the awesome baking with whole grains cookbook from my awesome MIL called it.  

Post nap, L was active and adorable as always.  She screams when hungry, at clothes/diaper changes, and when clipping her nails (oh the horror!), but rarely much else.  We were supposed to go swimming but F had her suit in his bag, so instead it was a super long bath followed by skype time with the extended family.  A little more play time ,some books, a song, the now memorized recitation of "the going to bed book" and she snuggled into  a sweet little ball curling up around her lamby.  Yup - perfect kid!

Being mom is the best part of being me.


My name is not Rose
Rose is my past and future
Sweet kind loved feared mine