With an introduction like that, it is likely no surprise that we did not make the play-date.
The nice thing is, I can honestly say, I don't feel bad about it. I did get up early as planned, but choose to spend two hours with L in the morning, made pancakes for the family, and spent another hour on my own after L and F took off. In that hour I didn't even get around to showering - I just relaxed with the doggies then got started on work from home (VPN is both a blessing and a curse). It was a lovely morning and I feel no guilt at having gone into work later than planned this Saturday. I felt bad for a while about L not getting to play with other kids her age, until I realized how hard I was being on myself. She was happily at play in a fun filled safe place while F worked. I may have missed out on meeting new mom friends, and I do have a limited number of Mom friends here, but I have lots of them from other periods/places of life whom I keep in touch with. Not to mention a huge extended family, so even missing out on the new potential friends isn't really disappointing in the grand scheme of things.
I have gotten much better lately at going with the flow.
Or have I?
I wrapped up work around noon which was about the same time as F called to ask if I would head home for lunch. L was taking a nap and the state HS hockey tournament was on, so we decided on left overs in front of the TV. L got up soon thereafter and had her lunch at the counter, but you could tell she was still sort of tired. So were we. After a brief attempt at family nap time (Never works, kid thrashes around too much), I told F I'd take her for a while so he could get some rest. 1.5hrs later and with a splitting headache, it was time to swap.
When I first laid down, I knew I was tired and still my head flooded with all sorts of oddities, concerns, plans and random thoughts. Most of them were work related, hows experiment X doing, what willl person Y think of my having been in on a Saturday again, why does Y feel a need to track what I'm doing in the first place. It's so annoying, I hate feeling monitored. Doesn't Y trust me to know how to manage my own time? oh right, sure it's for my benefit. I wonder if anyone else will be coming over next weekend. Two said yes, but I hope it is more. hmmm what kind of st patty's stuff would 1 and 2yr olds enjoy. I hate that I wigged my mom out. She gets so weird sometimes about when she hears things like it's a personal affront if I know someone in the family is planning a party before she knows about it. Geez I hope she is ok, bla bla bla The worry record in my head is really quite sporadic and incessant. So I toss and turn, finally fall asleep, and then (seconds later?) F comes in to tell me he doesn't want to go to church at 5 afterall and we'll wait until the morning. I grumpily ask, "Do I need to get up?"
"No," he says, "We can go tomorrow."
"So why did you wake me up to tell me I don't have to wake up?"
"Oh, sorry, I wanted to make sure you wouldn't be mad. Go back to sleep." he replies
Ugh, the record starts to play again - ah wait - L, let me think about my snuggly cuddly little L. Ah that is better. Sweet slumber at last.
The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. I thankfully awoke headache free and we had pasta for dinner, YUM! Smartest thing I ever did was to teach F to make my mom's spaghetti sauce and meatballs. L and I went grocery shopping which I think F was thankful for the time alone to relax. It's good to have that give and take were we both get personal time. Now he's watching more hockey while I blog. So, in summary, I think I go with the flow much better these days. Now if only my head would think that way too.
[As I was posting this, I realized I completely forgot about the sauce I was making. And, yeah, we've got some extra crispy in the house... guess I'll be playing the cook tomorrow night instead.]
*God Bless the YMCA and their "Kids Stuff" program that allows L to be there during F's 2hr shifts for free. Without it, his working would not be worth the time, hassle or money we'd spend on babysitters*
